Bah.

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:45:27 GMT

I was nervous. Now I'm happy to go to work. I have a feeling it might just become my escape.

Anything to get the fuck out of this goddamn house.

At this point, she can go ahead and die of Cancer. I am done with her.

Bring on the work, please.

I give up.

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 04:37:43 GMT

If this is my last journal entry I ever write I won't be surprised. I just spent about 45 minutes being physically attacked and told how awful I am.

I am an awful daughter.

I am a selfish, hateful, spoiled little bitch.

I cant' love anyone other than myself.

I will be alone forever.

I want you out.

All you can do is hate.

And she attacked me. And he defended her. Her. Not me. I read somewhere once that the love for a child overcame the love for one's spouse, but that's not true. There is no love in this house, not anymore. I find that maybe she's right. Maybe I am that awful person she screamed at me that I am tonight. I'm fat. I'm lonely because my personality drives people away. All I talk to is a computer screen. Even if I have a job, it took me four years to get one, that makes me pathetic. I;m a college drop out. Hell I was almost a high school drop out. She wants me dead.

I am a horrible person.

And like it's always been, there's never anyone here to hold me when I cry. I dont' remember the last time she did. Everytime I've cried with her from the time I was a small child on up, its always been "here comes the dramatics" or "ohh LOOK at the waterworks". She's mocked me. Always mocked me. And he does nothing. I don't CARE if he's torn between us. He does NOTHING. He LETS her say those horrible things to her and then HE goes downstairs to comfort her. Her. There's no one here to help ME. No one here to help me ever.

Just me to sit here and think about how I am a horrible person. A horrible daughter. A selfish, spoiled, hateful little bitch who's never and never will do anything worthwhile with her life. Who will die alone and fat and unloved.

She was right.

Demotivation

Bah.

I give up.